Saturday, March 2, 2013


Blog posts seem to come to me at time when I am working things out in my head.  I've always talked to myself, but since I started my blog, my working things out voice comes out as if I am writing a post and talking to you.  It helps.  A lot.  Its comforting imagining that I am helping someone else.  Maybe it also means I need some more IRL friends.  

It seems as though 2013 is bound to get me to go with the flow.  More than anything I've found myself saying "Ok, thats not the way I thought this day, week, event (even hour) would go" and feel myself adjusting.  That adjustment, zigging when I planned to zag, is not something that comes naturally to me (as much as I would like to think it does) and time and time again this year it keeps coming up.  

I feel really aware of the adjustment in my personality.  Maybe my memory just sucks, but I can't remember being so aware of my own thought process.  Maybe that comes from being hyper-aware of what my now 2 year old is doing.  The vigilant hawk keeping watch over a tornado all day.  All day.  All day.  Naptime hasn't been easy.  My beautiful sleeper decided to climb out of his crib a month before his second birthday and EVERYTHING changed.  The crib is now a toddler bed, the toddler took one more step towards free will and now naptime is his time.  It used to be my time.  It is now why I am writing a post at midnight.  MY time changed and I don't really have a say.  

I had plans for this weekend.  I was going to work and I was going to be the old me for a few hours.  Not the me with peanut butter in her hair, still wearing the pjs from last night, who might or might not have eaten a cookie N dropped right off the floor.  But the me who is (was??) young, hip and working in the city.  It fell through.  The job got cancelled and my plans changed.  I had to adjust.  I'm writing a blog post at midnight after doing laundry all day.  Washing and hanging as my dryer is broken until Tuesday.  My towels are crunchy (but clean and dry), the linens are dirty from the company and sit in a pile waiting until the repair can happen, I didn't finish all the projects I pinned for our birthday this past weekend and I had to be ok with it.  

The things I can get done with a 2 year old in a toddler bed are very different than what I could get done with a 1 year old in a crib.  I'm adjusting.

And I'm super aware of it.