The blogging breaks seem to come more frequently. It happens to all of us and just when I need it, the blank page is there waiting for my heart and soul to spill all over it. I'm not really feeling quite that dramatic today, but I thought an update would be good. Especially since my last post I was still talking about skipping my period. A few major holidays have passed in that time, my cycle kicked back to normal and my almost 3 year old started pre-school(!). Its kind of amazing how quickly things change. I'm constantly reminded of that. I need to be reminded of that even more often though, especially when I start to get too far deep into my head worrying about the future.
We are coming up on go-time. Not quite yet. The winter will end before I'm back in the stirrups, but by spring I'll be getting a physical done and talking about thawing embryos and asking questions like, "how many?" How many will thaw? How many will we put in? How many times will we try?
I know the answer to how many times will we do another fresh IVF cycle? Zero. We did two. The second one was beautifully successful. I know what an emotional and physical mess I was during it all. I don't want to be that mess for N. He's almost 3 and full of love and energy and I will be present for him.
We are fortunate enough to have 5 frozen embryos. We have talked about one frozen cycle. We are prepared physically and financially for one. I can't say definitively about doing a second if it doesn't work. I can't predict my desires and emotions. I have general ideas. I want to say I'm good with trying one more time and if it doesn't work, we will be happy with our family of 3. I don't know that if it doesn't work, I won't look at N and feel an overwhelming desire to do whatever I have to do to make him an older brother.
So 2014 is the year we do at least one. That is for sure. Everything else…well, we'll just have to see.
