Sunday, December 12, 2010

How we got here

Tonight, while standing on long line, after a long day, I stood behind my husband and rested my head on his shoulder. Suddenly a female voice popped up, "Excuse me....are you having a boy?"

Tonight was the first time a stranger noticed and commented (and guessed right!) about me being pregnant. She said she could tell by the way I was carrying....high. I told her that would be why I have nightly heartburn and run out of air while bending over to put my socks on.

It was a small moment that made me smile big. It also made me think about how we got here...

I can remember making that first phone call to our new RE in January 2009. We thought that the new year and new doctor would bring us a new baby. The RE didn't have any appointments until February so we had to wait. But, whats a little more waiting for a couple who have spent the four years prior doing a whole lot of the same.

February came and I can remember sitting in our RE's office for the first time. I am a smiley person by nature and that day we were feeling hopeful and encouraged. I smiled at the receptionist when we walked in, the people in the waiting room while we waited our turn and I smiled at our RE.

There would be other days when I sat in that room with no smile. With tears. With frustration, with boredom and sometimes with a face of stone, just going through the motions.
But not that day.

Dr. R mentioned IVF and their success rates first. I remember making the face. The face that meant, "Not yet. I'm not ready for IVF yet and maybe not ever." That felt way too big.

We left with a plan to try IUIs first. He told us that if they are going to work usually it will happen with the first or second try, but that many couples go on to do three, four, five or more. We wanted to try the less invasive, cheaper and less medicated option first. One at least, maybe two. We would play it by ear, still hopeful and we left smiling.

March 2009. Our first IUI. It didn't interfere with any family events or work (it fell on a weekend). It was fairly easy. Nonetheless, it was a brand new world to us; medications, sp.erm collection, cath.eters. The nurse dimmed the lights and when it was done, I felt like I needed a hug. It felt so scientific and sterile. We picked up some lunch on the way home and I laid on the couch with my feet up, hoping and praying and coming to the quick realization that this was going to be a long 2ww.

Negative.

We would go on to have two more IUIs resulting in a BFN. Those IUIs were maddening. We missed a family reunion that summer because it fell on exactly the same weekend. We went on to miss a big Thanksgiving due to more wasted time (and money) in the stirrups. Looking back, I guess we could have timed it better, but we were at the mercy of my cycle and we didn't want to wait any longer than what we already had.

Each time we would get a negative, I would want to wallow in it for a while. And then my body needed to recover and then we were ready to go again, and again and again.

The doctor started talking about a laparoscopy, there was a cyst that wasn't going away. We started feeling like we were being led to IVF. More and more signs started pointing in that direction.

But, we thought maybe one more IUI was in our future. And then we thought better of it. We had already tried it three times. We were already $6,000 into it. And Christm.as was coming and I didn't want to spend another family holiday in stirrups. So we decided three was enough for us. The lap was scheduled for January 2010.

I started blogging in March 2010, just a few days before our first IVF. It was the day of my last ultrasound before my first ever egg retrieval. The emotion of that first IVF is still as fresh in my mind as what I had for dinner tonight.

It was our second IVF that worked. The one that changed everything. The one that is bringing a little boy almost a year to the day that of that last ultrasound right before my very first egg retrieval.

9 comments:

  1. I also remembering no way were we going to do IVF. Then it turned out it was our only option for semi-bio kids. Such a letdown. And the dates are weird, too. Things kinda work out that way sometimes, don't they? IF is always such an interesting journey. But worth it in the end :)

    How cool os it when a stranger recognizes your pregnancy???

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  2. What a poignant retrospective. I fought IVF too. IUI wasn't an option for me because my tubes were blocked so I just hung out in denial and tried naturally a little longer. I'm glad we both moved on. Your boy is on the way and that is inspiring to me!

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  3. It's amazing where the infertility journey can lead you. And looking abck must be incredible now, with that baby safe and sound inside you. Congratulations to you lady!

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  4. Hi, first time visitor here. I love the title of your blog and congrats on the bun in the oven!

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  5. Would you mind sharing this and reshaping it a bit into my interview style format? I would love to feature your success story! It's mostly written already! Here's the link to my questions: http://bit.ly/cdEvGh Thanks so much in advance! It would be a great inspiration to so many!

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  6. i'm also a newbie to your blog, from ICLW. I loved how you told your story of how you came to be where you are now. Oh!, we have stories to tell of our journeys.

    Congrats on you baby on the way=

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  7. ICLW-congratulations on all your success! Our stories are so similar, I tried 3 iui's also but IVF worked in the end. All the best for a wonderful birth!

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  8. thanks for sharing your story. so happy for you.

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