It's A Boy!!!

What an awesome day! We had an early appointment and I had a full bladder and was laying on the table by 8:30am. Our sweet little boy is doing awesome and I realized that although my OB seems to be stuck on one adjective, I am thrilled that that adjective is the word...perfect.

It didn't take too long for the ultrasound tech to confirm boy status and I immediately welled up with tears of joy. I had been thinking for a while that we had a little girl in there, but as soon as she said boy, I immediately said to myself, "of course...it has always been a little boy. We have a son." I haven't stopped smiling all day.

Phone calls, sky.pe calls, text messages and big in person hugs filled the day and we couldn't be happier. I sent my brothers text messages and they both responded immediately (they live in different time zones, so I didn't want to wake them with calls) and my one brother said, "This is the best news to wake up to EVER." I'm beyond excited to give my brothers a nephew. To give our parents a grandson.

I had a feeling today would be a game changer. And it totally was. We are going to have a son. Wahhhhoooooo!

20 weeks and appointment tomorrow

Back in July, when our RE called to tell us we were pregnant, all I could do was walk around my house (since I was home alone at the time) and ask the furniture, "How did this happen???" Of course I knew how it all happened, it was just the miracle of it all coming together and really working that was so hard to wrap my brain around.

Now that I am 20 weeks (and 1 day), I am still a little bit in disbelief. I look down at my growing belly and there is a part of me that still feels like all I have done is had a big (big) dinner. Even though I live in maternity pants or sweats and all my t-shirts are all becoming too short, I still have an image of boxes of Lupro.n and Men.opur stacked up in my fridge when I open the door (even though they have either long been polished off or donated).

And now? Tomorrow morning I will be back in the stirrups. This time my full bladder is so that the OB can get a clear picture of our little growing baby. We are going to see the little one who surprises me with little flutters during the day.

We are going to hold hands and smile huge and be forever changed. I have always felt like this will be the moment when this becomes much more real. I can't wait!

before everything is different

I have tried to post a couple of times this month. Started posts, written a sentence or two or even paragraphs, but ultimately saved them for later or hit the delete button.

My inability to post is much like my inability to finish just about any project I have started lately. My mind is so full of good and exciting things, it is just that my focus is completely out the window.

I feel like my brain, and my body for that matter, is broken up into a 100 piece puzzle and while I am in the middle of putting a piece in, I get distracted (usually by food, or a new idea or my endless to-do list) and have to start all over again.

There are a few freelance job opportunities that I would like to pursue. There are so many projects in my home that I would like to start (completing a few would be nice too). Paperwork that needs to be organized. My brain is torn and I know that at least half of what I want to do doesn't have to get done before my due date...but I feel this self imposed pressure to do so.

I know I am all over the place with this post, this is so indicative of my life right now. I feel this urge to...straighten up my past to be ready for the future...which is coming fast.

The straightening I want to do is not big things, just dozens of small things. Weird organization things, things I never thought much about other than finding comfort in knowing that they are there. Things like my box of elementary and middle school projects and cards. I need them in order. All my pictures both digital and the zillions in boxes, organized by event and year. Clearly marked. Everything in its place.

I guess it is just that I know my life is changing and I don't want to leave anything behind. I'm scrambling to remember myself, my old self before I am different. Before I go from pregnant woman (from 6 years of overwhelmed infertile) all the way to someones mom. I don't want to rush. This might be the only time I get to be pregnant (although my mom hates when I say that and my husband doesn't think this is the only one for us) and I don't want to rush through it. I am having so much fun. Watching my belly expand is unbelievable. Buying a maternity bathing suit last month was awesome. I'm even going to shop for maternity jeans this weekend (I'm over it with the belly band).

I was tired today. No reason especially, I think it is just my brain that is tired. When I told my hubby, he said, "Well, you are almost halfway through." I want to slow this down. I prayed and wished and tried so hard to get here and now it is moving too fast.

I have so much I want to do.

Before everything is different.