Sunday, February 6, 2011

Some things I'm thinking about with 5 weeks to go

Oh, wait. What? What was I going to write about?

First, pregnancy brain? Totally real.

Back pain? Definitely.

The fact that my den is a half a flight of stairs down from my kitchen and I am more comfortable sitting on the steps to eat and watch tv than go all the way down and sit on the couch. All the way. All 6 steps!

I'm exhausted, jiggly, crampy and achy. I want my body back. I told C that I wake up with the intention of not complaining, there are just so many feelings I am having both physically and mentally I can't help but start to moan about one thing or another.

During IVF I knew I would be so grateful to be pregnant. And I totally was.

As I crossed over several pregnancy milestones I knew I would become more comfortable with being successfully pregnant. And I was.

As I rode smoothly into the second trimester (truly the honeymoon phase) I told everyone within earshot that I loved being pregnant. And I truly do.

There are just some things going on now that I didn't anticipate. I didn't realize there would be a moment where I really wanted my body back (C likes to say that our baby boy is renting my body right now), feeling frustrated with back pain and instant reflux when I bend down to pick something up. I didn't realize the struggle I would have with s.ex. That I would want to and then get so wrapped up in my head and my jiggly body that I can't get very far. C is sweet and understanding, but I'm feeling pretty confused. I didn't know that I would feel so protective of my newly growing family that I would get stressed about the plan for visitors after our baby boy arrives. C and I are on the same page about how to deal with visitors, I just get wrapped up in my own head and start having imaginary arguments in my head (tell me I am not the only one who does this...).

On the other side of 5 weeks, my baby boy is thriving and rolling and pushing and loved the milkshake I had with lunch today. Soon, I am going to meet the little man who has kept me company all day every day for the past 35 weeks. C and I have done a ton of work on the nursery and the crib and dresser get delivered on Tuesday. My parents were over last week to help out with a few projects and they both got to feel a few kicks from their grandson which made them exclaim that they "love him already!" I know the feeling.

At times I am tired and frustrated and stressed and achy. But, I am also in Love. Love with a husband who has ridden this crazy IF and now pregnancy train with me and has consistently made me feel protected and cared for. Love with my body which took 3 IUIs, a lap and 2 IVFs in stride and now has carried a growing baby for 35 weeks in a beautiful way (even if the stretch marks make my belly look like a zebr.a hallow.een costume). And Love for a little boy who reminds me daily that he is growing and getting stronger and getting ready for me to be his mommy.

5 comments:

  1. You aren't the only one who has discussions/arguments in her head - I do it frequently, and it's only getting worse. Scenarios, how they play out, alternatives, what I'd like to do vs what I will probably do in all reality.

    I've turned into a paranoid preggo. I was scared my first tri, second was more comfortable, and third has (to this point) been mostly painful...but the paranoia is kicking in, with 7 weeks to go. I'm glad to see I'm not the only one having a rough (comparatively speaking) 3rd tri! But soon...soon we will meet our sons. Soon. I just keep telling myself that!

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  2. I only had a couple weeks where I wasn't sick or in a lot of pain, LOL. And I wouldn't trade it. But seriously, if I'm this miserable at 29 weeks...oh, boy. I'm screwed, LOL. And panicked about all I need to get done. I get so overwhelmed I have to go to bed, LOL. Which is obviously not productive. Sigh. I can't wait for you to meet your little boy :) Hang in there, soon you will be in a whole new world :)

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  3. The end is near friend, and you are doing great! You really are! I think this stage is probably hard for everyone, but it is going to be so worth it soon!

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  4. I remember feeling and thinking those same thoughts during my last pregnancy! I'm 28 weeks now and already feeling these same emotions (except the stress about visiting family afterward). I vividly remember having arguments in my head with ILs about when they could come and what I would or would not allow with my babies. None of the arguments were ever necessary & everything went perfectly! It was wonderful to have my body back after recovery and I'm anticipating that day again!

    You think you're in love with your baby and your husband now? Just wait until you see the two of them together...it makes me cry just remember my husband holding one of our boys and seeing the absolute joy on his face. :-)

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