Wednesday, August 8, 2012
Its OK or its not OK. It just is or it is not.
Definitely not pregnant and for the amount of time that has passed since I wrote that last post, I could be in the middle of wondering if I am pregnant again. I'm not. Not pregnant nor wondering if I am pregnant. I would like to say that I am not going to put myself through all the emotion of wondering again. I can't.
July this year was a blur of celebrations and travel. It has been a packed month and I still haven't quite recovered. Sitting at my desk right now, I'm staring at a picture of one of my most peaceful and favorite moments of life ever. It is a black and white photo of me laying on my side, one day after my son was born, cradling him with one arm while both of us sleep. I don't remember how long that moment lasted, but I will forever be grateful for my husband for catching it for me. It is a photo that makes me calm when I see it. And it also blows me away to think this little baby is now a screeching toddler that won't lay still for a diaper change, never mind a cuddle.
In other news, I got the opportunity to be honest last week. It was kind of amazing. I'm terrible for details on this blog, but I will say it felt good to be honest with my extended family about what I wanted and needed and not do something just because I thought everyone expected me to jump when they said jump. Hope to do more of that in the future. How nice to be an adult.
Time marches on though and while August slows us down a bit and gives me some breathing room for catch up, September is shaping up to be another blur and I'm pretty sure I just bought Thanksgiving stickers for N...yikes!
Oh and I'm totally out of shape and just ate a container of Ben and Jerry's last night. Gross. Delicious. But now I feel gross. Still in my pajamas too and feeling like N is about to wake up for a nap any minute and push my shower off until later this afternoon.
In conclusion, not pregnant, not back at the RE yet, had a sparkling moment of true honesty, Thanksgiving is coming, ate too much ice cream and haven't taken a shower yet today.