Wednesday, September 12, 2012

A secret

This is another one of those posts where I am purposely vague enough to get things off my chest, but it is super annoying (I imagine) for you to read. I found out today that a close(ish) family member has been keeping a secret for the past 7 years.  The secret she kept didn't directly affect my family of three or my siblings either, but I haven't been able to stop thinking about it.
It is making me think about trust and what it must be like to silently suffer for such a long time.
I'm sympathetic and curious.
I have questions that I will probably never get the answers to.
It makes me more self aware which leads me to wonder what else I might be missing right under my own nose.
I feel deceived and even threatened by what "I'm fine" means when someone says it.
No one was really surprised by the news, but it wasn't like we knew all along. The news just seemed to make some previous confusing things clear.
It makes me question what is real. My relationship with this person carried on the same as always. A card on my birthday and a visit every few years, but underneath all of it was this big secret.
We all have secrets don't we? Some we never tell. Some we only tell when we absolutely have to. Some we can't keep and some we bury so deep we almost forget.  As this secret came out, she worried that it would change our impression of her. It doesn't. It wouldn't. It's just life.

1 comment:

  1. Secrets are hard. We keep them because we're afraid of what people will think, which means a lot of people carry around the SAME secrets. But letting them out means being vulnerable and possibly being judged, and we all get enough of that!

    I'm sorry that someone kept a secret from you, but it very probably isn't a trust issue. It's a fear issue! That they finally shared that secret means they managed to get over their fear and that's a damn good thing! *hugs* to you as you come to grips with secrets.