I got the call at 3:23pm today. It was Nurse Kim. "I'm so sorry honey, the test came back negative."
I had a feeling. Yesterday I posted that I refused to POAS. As the afternoon went on the discharge got really dark. Black. So, so nasty. There were streaks of pink, then red. We spent Easter afternoon in a sea of google searches with no definitive answers.
I cried a little bit yesterday. More tears today. We left the family right after Easter dinner. I couldn't focus, I found myself comparing the color of my discharge to the middle of the cherry pie and realized I was no longer sitting at the table. I was floating above it, watching the family laugh and have a good time and all I wanted to do was leave. Come back to the security of our own home and agonize in peace.
There was more discharge this morning, but I went to get the Beta done. I half knew that I already knew the answer.
When the call came in, the discharge had already turned to straight up blood. I knew it was over.
The nurse was sweet. I know I will have more questions. Why? What happened? Did I do something wrong?
Right now, I just need a break. I was relieved when she said I could stop taking the progesterone and estrogen now. I need the break. I am ok. We are ok. If my body says this isn't right, then who am I to question it.
Sushi tonight. A few glasses of chardonnay. We are celebrating life. We are getting ours back after being so consumed with IVF for the past two months.
All is not lost.