Staying busy is the only way for me to survive this. The moment I get too much time to think, all the what ifs and whys start hitting me in the chest.
I am working on a project for a friend right now and took all the extra shifts I could at work this week. I made a few fun plans with girlfriends and already have a new painting project lined up (for some reason infertility makes me want to paint rooms in my house).
There is one part I am dreading.
Most everyone in our family and friend circle knows our first IVF didn't work. The only people who don't know are going to be the hardest to tell. My mom and dad have been away on a cruise this week (with my mom's siblings). They left before we knew anything and we said we wouldn't try to contact them on the ship because I knew they couldn't keep a secret from the rest of the family if it was good news and I didn't want to make them sad on their trip if it was bad news.
Since we found out this past Monday, we took a day or two to come to terms with it ourselves and then slowly told the people who needed to know. I know that the first call my parents make off the ship will be to me. I know that before they left they were talking like I was already pregnant because they were so confident that all the hard work we did couldn't possibly not work (so did we) and I know that they will be the two most sympathetic and understanding people you ever met.
Why am I dreading it? I think it is just because it is my parents. Always the cheerleaders for me and my brothers, but always the ones to take it so hard when something bad happens to one of us. I don't want to be the one who makes them sad and I really don't want to get all the questions that I don't have answers to.