I was just looking back at my posts from March when I first started this blog, just before my first ever egg retrieval. The excitement and anxiety is vivid in my memory as I re-read my posts and I think about how different I feel this time around. A lot of the emotions are the same, the hopes are the same. As I read though, I find myself very different from that girl of only a few months ago.
More experienced? Maybe. It really has only been a few months. In-vitro makes you grow up fast.
Less stressed? Definitely. Even more now that we have frozen eggs as a backup.
I am definitely much more knowledgeable this time around. I am preparing for the best and as prepared as I can be for the worst. But, writing "the worst" doesn't sound right to me. If this doesn't work, it isn't the worst thing. It will be devastating, plan changing and will take a while to get over and move on, but we are doing our best. We are trying our hardest and when I realized that there isn't anything more I can do, I relaxed.
I am different from that girl who started a blog back in March. Stronger, tougher, smarter. More grown up too.
I've been journaling off & on since jr high...and I love going back and re-reading what was going on in my life. As time moves on, memories disappear & the associated feelings fade. Those old journal entries always revive exactly what I was feeling at the time. It's really the neatest sensation!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that you recognize how you've grown since March. Many things in life are 'easier' to handle the 2nd time around. That's a good sign. :)
Congrats! Praying for a healthy and happy 9 months!
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