Glowing

Beta is up to 261!

261, 261, 261, I made her repeat it 3 times. I was waiting for that call, I thought that would make it more official for me. I'm still hovering somewhere between "I'm pregnant!" and "How did this happen?!?" I do know exactly how it happened, but for some reason that has been my rallying cry for the past few days.

When I got the call on Wednesday morning after the first beta, C called from work just as I was hanging up with the doctor. I had wanted to do something special to tell him, since IVF seems to su.ck all the special out of just about everything, but I couldn't contain my tears of joy.

I just blurted out, "I'm pregnant!!"

He blurted out, "How do you know??"

"I know because the doctor just told me!"

"I want to kiss you right now!"

And faster than I could hang up the phone, I jumped in the shower and drove to C's job to kiss him.

How did this happen? It seems like all the hard we went through just melted away and sheer happiness took over. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted and now that it is gone, I realize just how heavy it was. We carried that weight for 3 years (6 if you count trying without doctors), rushing home for shots, smiling through the pain, walking around with a heavy heart all the time.

My thoughts on IVF have always been, "if you ask me, I am going to tell you the truth." Which means that some people get more than they bargained for in the details department. My poor brothers. But, I was honest with them. I can't do this quietly, talking and writing about it was sometimes the only way through it.

I have only told a few people. I called my dearest friend next. I told her she is the one I call when things get surreal. She knew right away.

When people know you are going through IVF, that means they usually know when you are going to find out if it worked. They are usually waiting for a call, not sure if they should call you because they don't want to be the ones to upset you. I get it, I've been hiding out this week.

It is important to us to tell our parents in person, but I think my mom is suspicious. I know as soon as she looks at my face or hears my voice, she will know. I know that as soon as I hear her voice, I will blurt it out again. I am a terrible secret keeper. We invited them over for fried chicken and I have a gift for them...I have NEVER walked into a Buil.d-a-B.ear store in my life, until Wednesday afternoon. Someone had given me the idea of making a bear with some baby accessories as a way to tell people you are pregnant and that idea stuck with me....it will be something they can later give back to the baby.

I called another friend, the one whose bbq we went to on Sunday. She has been rooting for us all along and when I told her, she said she knew already. She told me that when we left the party, she turned to her husband and said, "Amy is pregnant." He asked her how she knew. She said, "Did you look at her? She was beautiful and so calm and just glowing." She said that if I wasn't pregnant, she would have confirmation that her radar was officially broken.

I always hoped that some day someone would use those words to describe me. I had a smile from ear to ear when she told me that.

When I went in for the second beta yesterday the nurse looked at me and said, "Even if I wasn't looking at your paperwork, I can tell you are pregnant. I worked in in an ob-gyn's office for 30 years and you have what the old people like to call the glow."

I am beyond thrilled to have "the glow."

Aside from the crin.one dis.charge, the daily est.radoil stomachache and my now required daily nap time, life feels amazing right now.